funny stuff from jturn

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot it, and let it go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the micro-code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your ROM,
So quickly turn off your compu...

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over.

The police officer who walked up to the car also happened to be a blonde. She asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?'

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

【Union】【jturn】:I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left knee and screams in pain. Then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more. She pushes her stomach and screams and then she pushes her ankle and screams even louder. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, despite having had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately for the blonde, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. Her head is battered against the ground, mere moments away from unconsciousness when...

Stan the Walmart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine.

She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out of the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.

"Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

ain't much for shopping,Nor even goin' into town -Except at cattle-shipping time,I ain't easily found.
But the day came when I had to go And I left the kids with ma.But before I left she asked me,"Would you pick me up a bra?"
Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"How tough could that job be? I bent down and kissed her And said, "I'll be back by three."
Well, when I done the things I needed,I started to regret Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.
I crossed the street to the ladies shop With my hat pulled over my eyes, I wasn't takin' any chances On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk - I didn't hem or haw - I told the lady right straight out,
"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."
From behind I heard some snickers, So I turned around to see At least fifteen women in the store＼ And they's all gawkin' at me!
"What kind would you be looking for?" "Well," I just scratched my head. I'd only seen one kind before "Thought bras was bras," I said.
She gives me a disgusted look, "Well sir, that's where you're wrong. Come with me," I heard her say, And like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley Where bras was on display. Well, I thought my jaw'd hit the floor When I seen that lingerie.

Delet

They had all these different styles That I'd not seen before I thought that I'd go crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours And bras that cross your heart. There was bras that lift and separate, And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel Like you weren't wearing one at all, And bras that you can train in When you start off when you're small. Well, I finally make my mind up - Picked a black and lacy one - I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done
But then she asked me for the size. I didn't hesitate. I knew them measurements byheart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."
"Six and seven eighths, well sir, That really isn't right." "Oh, yes ma'am! Yeah, I'm positive I just measured them last night
I thought that she'd go into shock, Musta took her by surprise When I told her that my wife's bust Was the same as my hat size.
"That's what I used to measure with,I figured it was fair, But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered And they's all crackin' up When the lady asked to see my hat,＼ To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay. Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
My wife heard the whole story 'fore I ever made it home. She'd talked to fifteen women
Who'd called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin' But by then I didn't care. Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For no more women's underwear.
6 7/8 or there abouts

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." He sighed...

"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box..."

Light travels faster than sound......this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Why is it called 'tourist season' if we can't shoot at them?

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 'S' in it?

【Union】【jturn】:Those who live by the sword......get shot by those who don't.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.